In 2001 I get a caretaker job, which involves a lot of gardening. Almost every day I am outside for 2 hours. I work alone and the fresh air gives me the feeling of freedom. While my body is busy with the work, running like a machine, my thoughts are elsewhere. I talk a lot to myself.
The video shows the garden work in process. I sweep leaves and continually talk to myself in my mother-tongue. (One can read the text translation in the sub-title). In the end one can hear my voice. I sing the Chinese song “Looking for Friendship”.

“...I saw these machines again yesterday. Every time I see these machines, I have to laugh...

...Yesterday I saw a funny little dog. Really funny! Perhaps he had never seen a Chinese woman before? He was so sweet! (Laughing), I always have to laugh when I think of this dog...

...Why do people think? Why? I don’t know. What is good? What is bad? (Sigh) What is right? What is wrong? Why do I still not know?...

...Why do friendships make me feel so tired? What kind of a person am I? Am I happy? (Sigh) I have no idea! Why am I so diligent every day? Why? Why do I have so much to do every day? Perhaps I will die tomorrow, or just not wake up. Everything passes me by. Nothing is there any more! (Sigh) I want to stop the clock. I want to stop all the clocks!... ”